Temper Tantrums
Other topics
Reason for tantrums
Temper Tantrums
Toddlers may assert their independence by violently objecting to attempts at restricting their behavior.  Tantrums are a way to get attention.
They may lie down on the floor, kick their feet, and scream at the top of their lungs.  Head-banging, head-rolling, and breath-holding are other behaviors some children use.  While these behaviors are very disturbing to see, they usually do not become behavior problems.  Breath-holding and fainting from lack of oxygen cause no physical harm because the accumulation of carbon dioxide stimulates the respiratory control center to initiate breathing.  However, head-banging results in self-inflicted injury, and the child requires protection, such as holding or being placed in a protected environment.
Behavior during tantrums
Responding to tantrums
The best approach toward ending attention-seeking behavior is to ignore it (no verbal or eye contact with the child), as long as the behavior isn't causing injury.  The parent should remain nearby and after the tantrum has stopped offer a toy or a favorite activity to substitute for the ungranted request and to reward the posttantrum behavior. 

When tantrums occur because the child refuses to mind, the parent can ignore it for a few minutes, but may have to physically carry the child if the request must be met, such as getting in the car or going to bed.

When tantrums do occur, it is important for the parent to intervene
immediately to prevent the buildup of angry feelings and being unable to calmly ignore the behavior.

Frequently, temper tantrums can be avoided by minimizing misbehavior (see "Minimizing misbehavior" below).

Time-out is an effective discipline tactic for dealing with unacceptable behavior (see "Using Time-out" below).

Temper tantrums are common during the toddler years and basically represent normal developmental behaviors.
Minimizing misbehavior
Praise children for desirable behavior with attention and verbal approval.

Structure the environment to prevent unnecessary difficulties.  For example, place fragile objects out of reach.

Set clear and reasonable rules.  Expect the same behavior regardless of the circumstances, and if exceptions are made, clarify that the change is for one time only.

Teach desirable behavior through your own behavior.  For example, use a quiet, calm voice rather than yelling and screaming.

Review expected behavior before special or unusual events, such as visiting a relative or dinner in a restaurant.

Phrase requests for appropriate behavior positively.  For example, say "Put the book down," rather than "Don't touch the book."

Call attention to unacceptable behavior as soon as it begins.  Use distraction to change the behavior or offer alternatives to annoying actions, such as a quiet toy for one that is excessively noisy.

Give advance notice or "friendly reminders," such as "When the TV program is over, it is time for bed" or "I'll give you to the count of three and then we have to go."

Be attentive to situations that increase the likelihood of misbehaving, such as overexcitement or fatigue, or decreased personal tolerance to minor annoyances.

Offer sympathetic explanations for not granting a request, such as "I am sorry I can't read you a story now, but I have to finish dinner.  Then we can spend time together."

Keep any promises made to children.

Avoid outright conflicts.  Temper discussions with statements such as "Let's talk about it and see what we can decide together" or "I'll have to think about it first."
Consistency--implement disciplinary action exactly as agreed on and for each infraction.

Timing--initiate discipline as soon as child misbehaves.  If delays are necessary, such as to avoid embarrassment, verbally disapprove of the behavior and state that disciplinary action will be implemented.

Commitment--follow through with the details of the discipline, such as timing of minutes.  Avoid distractions that may interfere with the plan, such as telephone calls.

Unity--make certain that all caregivers agree on the plan and are familiar with the details to prevent confusion and alliances between child and one parent.

Flexibility--choose disciplinary strategies that are appropriate to the child's age, temperament, and the severity of the misbehavior.

Planning--plan discipline strategies in advance and prepare the child, if possible.  For example, explain the use of time-out for unexpected misbehavior.  Try to discipline when you are calm.

Behavior orientation--always disapprove of the behavior, not the child, with such statements as "That was a wrong thing to do.  I am unhappy when I see you act like that."

Privacy--administer discipline in private, especially with older children who may feel ashamed in front of others.

Termination--once the discipline is administered, consider the child as having a "clean slate" and avoid bringing up the incident or lecturing.
Guidelines for disciplining child
Using Time-out
Select an area for time-out that is safe, convenient, and unstimulating, but where the parent can monitor the child, such as the bathroom, hallway, or laundry room.

Determine what behaviors warrant a time-out.

Make sure children understand the "rules" and how they are expected to behave.

Explain to children the process of time-out:
    When they misbehave, they will be given one warning.
    If they do not obey, they will be sent to the place designated for                       time-out.  
    They are to sit there for a specified period of time.
    If they cry, refuse, or display any disruptive behavior, the time-out                     period will begin after they quiet down.
    When they are quiet for the duration of the time, they can then leave the           room.

A rule for the length of time-out is 1 minute per year of age;  use a            kitchen timer with an audible bell to record the time rather than a watch.

Implement time-out in a public place by selecting a suitable area or explain to children that time-out will be spent immediately upon returning home and mark their hand with a felt-tip pen as a reminder.